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Dick Cheney in 2012?

Click the link for a list of reasons Dick Cheney should run for president in 2012:    http://mudblogger.com/dickcheney201/

My Party Abandoned Me

This is why I became a Republican:

I BELIEVE the strength of our nation lies with the individual and that each person’s freedom, ability, and opportunity, must be responsibly honored and protected.

I BELIEVE in equal rights, justice, and opportunity for all, regardless of race, religion, creed, sex, age, or disability.

I BELIEVE free enterprise and individual initiative have brought this nation opportunity, economic growth, and prosperity.

I BELIEVE government must practice fiscal responsibility and allow individuals to keep more of the money they earn.

I BELIEVE the proper, Constitutional, role of government is to provide the people only those critical functions that cannot be performed by individuals or private organizations and that the best government is the government which governs least.

I BELIEVE the most effective, responsible, and responsive government is government closest to the people.

I BELIEVE Americans must retain the principles that have made us strong while developing new and innovative ideas to proactively meet the challenges of changing times.

I BELIEVE Americans value, and should preserve our national strength and pride while working to extend peace, freedom, and human rights throughout the world.

I BELIEVED of the two national parties, the Republican Party represents Constitutional principles and was the best vehicle for translating these ideals into positive and successful functions of government.

This is why I re-registered as an Independent:

She looks a little like Cheney in this picture

She looks a little like Cheney in this picture

Liberal-tarian

I think I am going to start a new political party for people who get the big picture. Gone are the short sighted left and right pundits, away with the narrow minded views that resemble tunnel vision and in with a party who realize no single person or organization has all the answers. The party is based on complete freedom to live the way you want – until you screw it up.

If my party leads the government it will work like this:

(Bank) We need a government bailout!

(Government) Those strange derivative products you created bit you in the ass?

(Bank) Yes, it was truly tragic how we lost all that money!

(Government) Whose fault was it?

(Bank) [Points fingers in all directions]

(Government) Ok, here’s your bailout. [hands over blank check]

(Bank) Hey thanks, that was easy…wait, this check is blank…?

(Government) Yes.

(Bank) But you didn’t sign it?

(Government) No. Giving you an actual bailout would show that we care. We don’t. The unsigned blank check represents the fact that not only do we not care, it isn’t any of our business to help you. In fact, since you have lost more money than the value of your company and are thus insolvent, we are placing you in the public domain and the first person to write a check to bail you out owns you.

(Bank) You can’t do that, we have a capitalistic society!

(Government) Dude, we’re the government of the people and for the people – you live by our rules now, not the other way around. You want to do business in this country you better go back to the old fashioned way of making money and quit the voodoo. Oh look, here’s T. Boone Pickens [Pickens enters room]

(Pickens) Howdy ya’ll. I hear tell of a big ass bank for sale on the cheap?

(Government) Yep, sure is. Seems like the big ass bank got a little too big for its britches and needs a privately funded bailout.

(Pickens) Here’s your check.

(Bank) Err…[faints]

(Government) I knew that was going to happen [fans the bank's face]

(Pickens) Ok, well see ya around.

(Government) Oh, Mister Pickens, a word please.

(Pickens) Why sure!

(Government) About all those water rights you own in Texas and the Southwest…They’re ours now.

(Pickens) What?! You can’t do that, that’s over a billion dollars in water rights!

(Government) Not any more it isn’t. We decided that water is a basic necessity of life and that a man or company can only own as much as it can actually use.

(Pickens) You can’t do that! I followed the law, and bought those legitimately!

(Government) …And a monopoly on water – without which nothing can live – made us think twice about those laws. We changed them. Of course to get that done we had to outlaw lobbying of any kind, and prevent all payments of cash or goods for any reason to all legislators. Pretty hard to buy a senator now that they have to get all their income in the form of a paycheck for doing their job and nothing else. We pretty much ran off all the Washington insiders and replaced them with ordinary citizens who come here to work as a legislator for a couple of years and then go home. It’s working pretty well – In fact I think the water rights law revision was done by some ranchers whose water rights you claimed to own who ran for Congress…

(Pickens) I remember when you could buy a Senator and he stayed bought…

(Government) We do too, and it sucked.

(Pickens) Damn, well I gotta go…

(Government) Umm, T. Boone? We gotta talk about your taxes before you go.

(Pickens) Oh crap! [faints]

(Government) I knew that was gonna happen.

A Little More About the Republicans

You know, the older I get the more stuff that pisses me off, and I gotta tell you the derailment of the Republican Party is right at the top of the list.  We all need to remember that in a free democracy anyone can start a party and pretty much say and do what they want.  Those are the rules and they’ve worked for over 200 years.

For the last 29 or so years the Republicans have become the party of “family values” and have counted on the religious right for the bulk of their votes.  Well, this is a good strategy for getting votes, but it keeps the party from performing its mission which is supposed to be limited government intervention, lots of personal freedom and an atmosphere that promotes business.  But no more.  The Republicans brought us the “Patriot Act” which circumvents our constitution, huge debts which naturally the Democrats think can only be cured with equal debts for their causes, and more “Big Brother” attitude than I personally can handle.  Government is about doing the things that the people can’t do on their own…build roads, keep a standing army and defending our borders.  Now I may be wrong but the last time I checked Canada and Mexico weren’t amassing troops on our borders so this should be a pretty easy job…just build some friggin infrastructure, make sure the American people aren’t getting hosed by the government, promote a climate in which both large and small business’s can flourish and then get out of our way.

That used to be the deal, but now the deal has changed.  It’s family values (to get big voting blocks), its starting wars for the military industrial complex when a few key troops could do the job for almost free, and its about limiting our freedoms so the giant corporations can get what they want.  Let me ask you:  Do you have car insurance?  Shouldn’t that be optional?  It is not optional and a lobbying group made damn sure you had to buy it.  Every big business in the world wants part of your paycheck.  Some will spend more money making Washington give it to them than others.  We’ve all heard that “no fault” insurance states pay more for coverage than states that have mandatory insurance laws.  That’s because insurance is a numbers game.  Personally, I would rather insure myself and my ability to dodge the idiots on the road than not, and if they crash and burn the financial responsibility is on them…but that doesn’t translate into free money for the insurance companies.  They actually have to do their jobs when it comes to no fault insurance.  Nuff about that.

Lets talk about abortion for a minute.  For it or against it, nearly everyone has an opinion and that opinion is based on their religious values.  The key part of this is “when does a fetus become human, or have a soul”?  That of course will never be known, but it does bring up the equal and opposite question of people who are dying.  Lets assume we all have souls (sorry to you athiests out here, I’m keeping it simple) and you are going to have an operation, or you are dying of cancer or some other tragic disease.  The doctor tells you that during the operation or final days of your disease that if you die that he can revive you but you will be on life support and pretty much be a veggie with no awareness at all for maybe a couple of extra days before you die anyway.  Do you have him keep reviving you even though it does you personally no good, or do you sign a DNR (do not reccusitate) order? Almost everyone would pick a DNR if they knew they were going to be on life support and have no awareness of the world around them because you are just prolonging your family’s and possibly your own pain.  But for this discussion we assumed you had a soul, so is that murder or suicide?  People live and people die – it’s the way life works.

So for the abortion part of this scenario:  Let us say that some teenagers or anyone else, really,  had sex and in a couple of days found out the female was pregnant.  The only way you can even begin to tell me it is wrong is if you believe that God assigns and installs a soul the instant a sperm drills its way into the egg.  The morning after pill is not wrong unless you believe that.  My test for abortion is this:  If the fetus can’t survive outside the womb without being on life support and in an incubator you are probably in the clear.  In my opinion God is a conservative and isn’t going to throw souls away on a fetus until they have a chance of survival.  Do you think God hates the birds and fish that eat 90% of all baby turtles that are born and heading towards the sea?  Life is tough and sometimes having a baby makes it tougher.

Late term abortion is a different story for me.  I once refused to do business with a Doctor who bragged that he was the only Physician in the state who would do an abortion in the third trimester.  He later was exposed for disposing of aborted fetus’s in the field behind his office.  Abortion is a tough issue to tackle, especially for guys because we can’t have one, but the main point from all of this is that it is a moral issue and has nothing to do with what government is supposed to be about.

The religion I grew up in, Southern Baptists, told me that all Jew, Catholics, Muslims and danged near everyone else was going to Hell because they weren’t “immersed in water”, or didn’t worship God they way they did.  This later became my test for a cult:  “If your religion believes that everyone who doesn’t believe as they do is going to Hell then you are in a cult”.

Believe how you want to believe, I don’t care, but keep it out of politics!  The founders of our country were pretty clear about the seperation of church and state and it is one of the most important tenets of our form of government.  How would you like it if a snake handling, head shrinking, voodoo practicing, animal sacrificing religion got to tell you how to run your life because they were in the political majority?  I’ll tell you how you would like it.  You wouldn’t like it one little bit.  “But my religion is the right one” you whine, we have been established for x amount of years and have x amount of members…we are a majority.  Ya, maybe you are a majority religion but you don’t have the right to tell the non snake handling, head shrinking, voodoo practicing, animal sacrificing people how to live.  Politics is about governing a country and religion is about how you choose to run your life, but not mine.  I personally find it funny that you even think you have the right to tell me how to live.  We have laws that govern much of the way we live already, why do you get to overstep those carefully plotted bounds?  You don’t.  Give up.  Live your life the way you want, teach your children that it’s ok to stick a pin in a shrunken snakes head to cause pain to an enemy if you want to, but get out of our collective faces.  Not everyone believes the same way, and that is the point.

So then, now that I have probably pissed everyone in the country off, how do we fix the Republican party?  Well, for starters we throw the religious angle out the window.  Then we set up clear rules that say your business can’t intentionally screw anyone over or trick or force them into buying your product.  Then we quit messing with other people’s lives.  If the Islamic religion believes that you can’t draw a picture of Allah or Mohammad that is well and good for them, but they don’t get to tell me how to live.  If they live like good citizens and care about the people of the world and generally garner my respect, I probably won’t draw a picture they don’t like because I respect them, not because I think they will come blow me up if I do.  Which in fact, I have known many many Islamic people in my life and they were almost all good people who love freedom and business and generally respect the values of this country.  The problem with all religion is the extremists who will not stop until they have made everyone believe the way they do, or killed all the opposition.  Most religious people live a life that other people respect, but the extremists are the squeaky wheel.  They always speak up out of turn and want to tell you how to live.  Regular people are content to live their lives in their own way and lead by example, not force.

So, Republicans.  Give up on the moral majority and their one sided issues.  Quit letting big business tell you what to do.  Don’t start wars because your political contributors will benefit from them.  Pull our armies back to our borders in case those pesky Canadians and Mexicans decide to gang up on us.  Stop trying to tell the rest of the world how to live.  Listen to the regular people who won’t speak up unless asked to.  Once again be the party that promotes freedom, personal responsibility and financial conservatism.  If you are going to claim to be the party of family values then don’t hire illegal aliens to work for you, don’t cheat on your wife/husband, and generally try to live so that people will respect you…you are going to get caught otherwise…Do the right thing even when no one is looking, and for the love of God put the snake handling, head shrinking, voodoo practicing, animal sacrificers on the back burner where they belong.

If I have made you mad with this post then you may have a personal problem and need therapy.  If I have made you so mad that you decided to retaliate against me with violence you should know that the address that ICANN has listed for this website is not even close to where I live, and that if you some how get lucky and do find out where I live I own guns, am a very very good shot, and I will kill you.

Promote a Free America people!

The Republican Speaks

Ok folks, this is not a political blog, but it is time I speak up on politics.  You may be interested to know that I have been a registered Republican for thirty two years!

I have a friend who sends me an average of five emails a day which bash Obama and/or Democrats.  These emails may contain racial slurs and most certainly exploit Internet “facts” which are of dubious quality at the least.  To wit I state the following actual facts, followed by my opinions.

(1)  Eight Trillion dollars of our Eleven trillion dollar national debt was incurred during a Republican Presidency.  That is a fact.

(2)  Barack Obama is now the President of the United States.  It is un-American not to give him a chance.

(3)  He’s half black and half white.  Do you think it makes any difference?  If you do then please remove me from your email list.

(4) The Mudblogger is pro-gun.  I own guns and if you don’t want me to shoot you then don’t break into my house.  Otherwise, you are probably safe.

(5) The Mudblogger is a fiscal conservative.  I am not a Reagan era conservative because I don’t care what your religion is and I don’t want to tell you how to live your life.  This country was founded on religious freedom so get with the program!

(6) Abortion is a moral issue and has nothing to do with providing interstate highways, keeping a standing army or protecting our borders.  If you are against abortion then raise your children to be against it, go to churches that are against it, but don’t presume you have the right or authority to tell women what they can do with their bodies.

(7)  This country was founded on freedom.  Just because I am a Republican do not assume I think like you do.

(8) In fact, assume that I do not think like you because I do not subscribe to any particular economic or religious or social theory.  I make up my own mind depending on the facts.  For your information facts are dates, names, places and information which is otherwise indisputable.

(9) I support your right to have your own opinion and am ready to fight to the death to support that right.  If you can’t return the favor then I don’t want to hear your opinions.

(10) Everytime you send an email whose “facts” are made up, you lose 100 points on my ten point scale.  Check your facts or remove your “forward” button.

(11) Reagan was not God.  He was an actor who courted the religious right in order to win an election.  That simple act destroyed the true principle of the Republican party and sidetracked us from the issues that matter.  Until Reagan was elected the Republicans stood for small government, low taxes, capitalism and freedom.

(12) Trickle down is just a made up economic philosophy which justifies giving money to the rich before you get yours.  Tell me how the scraps from the rich is supposed to help me again?

(13)  George Bush was not a bad president, he just had bad information when he made his calls.  How many billions would this country not owe the Chinese if we had sent in sniper teams instead of thousands of soldiers?

(14) President Bill Clinton was a fiscal conservative.  Under his reign the national debt was flat and our trade deficit was about even.  Under George Bush II we spent more money than all other presidents combined from the beginning of this country, tell me again how conservative Republicans are?

(15) Unless the Republicans are willing to admit that Democrats are the new fiscal conservatives they had better start listening to guys like Ron Paul and get back to their roots or risk being irrelevant.  Trickle down?  Let’s try trickle up for a while…that is the way capitalism started.  Trickle down is a ruse, a scam.  Check out Austrian economic theory if you want to see how economics really works in a non Socialist country, but be prepared to be bored…it’s all facts and no pictures of our president acting like a monkey.

(16) It is time to take the “partisan” out of politics.  Don’t let the political parties, shock jocks like Rush Limbaugh or individual politicians manipulate you, think for yourself.  If it doesn’t make sense to you then it is probably a smokescreen so that someone else can get what they want at your expense.  My entire life I have heard the phrase “Revolution at the ballot box”, “Revolution at the ballot box”, “Revolution at the ballot box”.  We either get this right, right now or it is time for your old fashioned revolution, the kind with angry citizens and guns.  Do you really think that it takes your entire lifetime to change the way our government works?  That is a ruse which assures that we will never have freedom, never see liberty and never achieve a true Democracy.  Look past the BS people.

(17)  Listen to people you don’t agree with, sometimes they are spot on!  If you think you are the only person with the answers, or that the philosophy you subscribe to is the only correct one then you are selling yourself and your country short. Don’t be an idiot, keep an open mind and do the math.

Oh Woe is Me

Woe is me?  Not really.  It’s January 2009 and the oilfield has slowed waaaay down.  There is a glut of oil on the market and prices have come down farther than even I thought they would.  People in the oilfield are getting panicky and you would think that there is another bust coming reminiscent of the 1980’s crash.

I tell you folks, it ain’t happening.

Here is what did happen.  Oil went way up to fast.  People that owned oil pumped as much as they could and sold it while it was high.  Tankers full of the stuff went to every country in the world where they could sell it – and sell it they did…for a while.  Then, omg, there was too much oil on the market and an oversupplied market means prices come down.  Then, as Gomer Pyle says, “Surprise, surprise, surprise”, as prices came down and reserves filled up there were still huge tankers full of the stuff on the way to ports and they had to park and wait.  Yeah, everyone connected to OPEC had tried to sell as much as they could as fast as they could and it screwed up the market.  Why is oil down at this time?  Greed.  Pure unadulterated greed.  Not that I blame them, hell, oil pays my salary, taxes and feeds my family.  You know me, I say, “Drill baby drill”.  But OPEC wears two faces.  One face says we must produce a certain amount of oil to supply the market and keep prices high and the other face says, “Screw everyone else, lets sell as much as we can right now”.  And of course the world was in the middle of a recession which was exacerbated by unsustainable oil prices and no one would admit that we were in trouble economically.  When that caught up to us, the reserves were full and more tankers were on the way then prices crashed.

What about natural gas, you ask?  Excellent question.  Natural gas is married to oil.  Now I’m not saying that natural gas is the groom or the bride – that is for more obtuse people than myself to figure out, but they are married nonetheless.  Oil goes up, so does natural gas.  Oil goes down, so does natural gas.  Now, ok, not always.  I never have known a bride and groom that agreed 100% of the time, but for the most part they do agree.  And, naturally in a recession we are going to conserve energy and that means we use less than we normally would.  I find it unusual that the New York City gate spot market may be selling natural gas for $14 per million btu’s when the Henry Hub future is five bucks, but the speculators have got to make a buck too.  I mean, their moms aren’t going to make the payments on their Lear Jets for them, are they?

I was at the Arlington Hotel in Hot Springs, Arkansas in the late summer and ran into an older gentleman who is a “king maker” of sorts – you know the type, he helps politicians get elected or kicked out due to ignorance, and a couple of people who were just concerned with the price of oil and the high prices we were paying for gasoline at the time.  I told them the same thing – and remember that oil was around $140 a barrel at the time – that oil was going to come down soon, and fast!  I told them I thought oil would get to $60 a barrel – maybe a little lower – but would stay there until the economy improved.  Ok, so I missed the bottom.  If I could reliably predict the highs and lows of any commodity I would be the richest man in the world.  But come down it did, and stay down it will until the economy improves.  I apologize for breaking into “Yoda-ese” there, but that is my nature.  I am short in stature and have fuzzy ears just like Yoda.

Part of the reason the worlds economy accelerated into a recession was because oil was too danged high!  You can only suck so much money out of an economy in a given period before that economy crashes to the ground.  When you have drained excess cash from an economy we go into a period of deflation which then causes EVERYTHING to be worth less than it was.  The only people who like deflation are your log cabin living, tin foil hat people who don’t rely on currency on a regular basis because it validates their reasoning for storing a thousand cases of green beans in a cave near their domicile.  Every one else hates it because their wages and goods go down in value and because not everything tanks at the same rate there are people who are hurt badly first – before everyone else gets hurt.  The guys that drained all that cash from the world economy now find that their sources of income are worth much less than they were…Oh woe is me!

Now you know, I should be in a panic right now because things aren’t looking good for the oilfield in the immediate future, and my source of income may be cut off – but I am not.  Why?  Unlike Venezuela and the other OPEC countries that arbitrarily decided that oil was going to be high forever and started spending money they didn’t have, and making promises they couldn’t keep, I put my money in the bank – or maybe it is under my mattress, if I were you I wouldn’t try to find out.  But seriously, I didn’t buy any gold-plated yachts or promise my friends a communist environment where I would pick up the tab.  I’ve been here before and I didn’t like it the last time.  The oilfield will come back.  It always does, and sometimes it takes a while, but we need oil, and I promise you it will come back.  The when will it come back is the “crux of the biscuit” as Mr. Zappa would say.

When will oil come back?  I wish I knew, but my best guess is towards the middle of 2009.  Will it come back to $140 a barrel?  Hell no.  If the oil producers were to cut production enough to cause an expected rise in the price to that level, world economies would tank before it got there, thus causing the price not to rise to that level due to, you guessed it, deflation.  People would be jumping off that bus so fast you’d think Sandra Bullock had just informed us that the bus was going to explode.  I should qualify that statement in that oil won’t come back to that price anytime soon, but due to inflation it will eventually get there.  Want to know why?  Sure you do.  It won’t come back to those prices immediately because the free market oil companies will have learned a lesson from this most recent price drop.  That lesson is this:  “It is better to supply the market what it needs and make a reasonable profit than to make an unreasonable short term profit that the market can’t afford”.  OPEC will likely never learn that lesson.  They don’t have the solidarity to really control prices well.  Members will always try to cheat a little and sell more than they are supposed to.  This action will cause volatility in the market, but our American oil companies will continue to do what they do well – drill baby drill, sell baby sell, and keep a little in the ground for a rainy day.

Future Oilfield

What does the future of the oilfield hold?  I’ll tell you, and it is going to be rosy.

First off, just because the world economies are crashing down around our ears, don’t think the oilfield is going with it.  It isn’t.  In college economics I learned that “prices are sticky downwards” which means that prices go up really easy, but down, not so much.  Oil and gas prices were sky high earlier this year, and yet they went way down quickly…that almost seems to disprove the basic economic tenet stated above.  It doesn’t.  Oil and gas prices are a commodity which are traded by brokers for daily, weekly and monthly profit.  Prices change daily.  They go up and they go down.  They seem to defy economics.  But unproduced oil and natural gas, which is to say is still in the ground and not pumped, is like money in the bank.  How would you feel if you could put $100 in the bank and then pull it out when it was worth $1000?  You’d like that.  So if that $100 was only worth $10 when you put it in the bank, and next week it was worth $150, you would probably sell sell sell.  You would, don’t say you wouldn’t.  This is how the oilfield works.  Lets say you knew where buried treasure was and you had $10,000 in the bank.  To get all the treasure out would cost millions and you can’t afford that, but you could get some of it.  Even if buried treasure was selling for a record low amount it would be nice to own the rights to it.  So you buy the rights to it, you start digging for it and you sell some here and there because you need to recoup your investment.  But you don’t really get serious about it until one day the prices for buried treasure go sky high, then you drill baby drill.  Or dig baby dig.  EIther way.  And that is why the oilfield will be ok.  Because unproduced oil is money in the bank.  Same with natural gas.  Once you have drilled for it, hooked it up to tanks and pipelines and paid that cost you are ready to profit when prices are high(er).  You drill now because next year it will cost more to drill the same well.  If things go really bad your oil company might have to hibernate a few years until it turns around, but thats ok….you are ready for the next pricing cycle.

So what does that have to do with the future?  Well, that is the past and the present and without understanding them, you have no grasp on the future.  The oil company’s will be allright.  They aren’t going anywhere.  In fact, in the future they will drill less, produce more, and profit greatly.  You see, the world is running out of fossil fuels.  Now, thats not to say we are running out of oil or methane or ethane or whatever, because we aren’t – we can make those on a daily basis – but fossil fuels which were produced by, we think, decayed plant and animal matter, we are going to eventually run out of.  Fifty years?  One thousand years?  Who really knows.  The oil companies and petroleum geologists are pretty good at estimating reserves and potential fields because of the experience they have garnered from past drilling operations, but they don’t know.  Don’t get me wrong, they have a pretty good idea, but they can’t be for sure.

The future of fossil fuels?  We don’t burn it for heating or driving.  We use it for making plastics, fertilizer, and things that it does well but for driving and heating and cooling our homes we use wind and solar.  Thats really a no brainer, but to listen to all the discussion you wouldn’t think so.  By the time we don’t need to use oil and gas for transportation there will be little enough of it so that prices will have stabilized on the high side.  Honestly, that will take many years – probably 25 to 50, but it will happen and you may well be alive to witness it.

Now for the short term we really can drill our way out of this mess we are in, and T. Boone Pickens knows it.  It is just a bad idea, and thats why he has come up with his bridge plan.  You see, Pickens is not only a billionare, but a bit of a visionary.  You can’t do what he has done without peering towards the future, and he is the first oilman to say that we need a different direction in transportation fuels.  The idea that we pay people that hate us billions of dollars to buy more gold plated yachts – you think I’m kidding, google it – is truly ludicrous.  We have quite a bit of natural gas in this country which is untapped, and although it would be a stretch to fuel our cars with it, we can take enough of them off of gasoline to make a difference in the short term.  America’s brightest and best minds are working on wind and solar and that is where the world needs them.  That is the future…well, that and some alien technology that we find buried beneath the gas surface of Saturn which was left by a benevolant society to get us out of a bind in our time of need.

No, seriously about the wind and solar..that is the future of energy.  Our country sends too much money overseas for energy, and we borrow that money back to pay our bills.  That is insane.  Other countrys like Saudi Arabia, Dubai and China literally own us!  They OWN US!  We have to change that, and like it or not we will.

America has been a slave to transportation its whole existance.  Whether it is human legs, horses, oxen, or planes trains and automobiles, we gotta move around.  The country is big and we don’t live in walking distance to our schools, churches and jobs.  We got that way because transportation became easier.  Henry Ford built affordable cars.  We have a semblance of a mass transit system in our major cities.  We just don’t have to live where we work.  Now the time has come to change that, but do you think Billy and Suzy Izod are going to move out of the suburbs to downtown where they work?  No.  Is Farmer Joe going to sell most of his farmland and only work on his home place?  Uh-uh.  But the good news is coming.

Besides the fact that solar and wind are getting much better much quicker, there are oil and gas technologies that are going to help us, and soon.  Scientists at universities all over the world have developed bacteria that can be dumped down a hole and eat the thick oil, poop thinner oil that flows better and can be more easily pumped.  Huh?  Yes.  They have developed bacteria that eat oil and poop natural gas.  Thats right.  That lets us get to most of the oil and gas we have left behind because it was to hard to get out of the ground.  That helps us in the long term, but by itself doesn’t solve the problem, but it does stretch out the end of the oil and gas universe by several hundred years.

The upshot of this whole editorial is this:  We will be ok, we will continue to produce oil and gas, you can still drive your car (although you won’t be putting gasoline in it much longer), and when we start using wind and solar on a grand scale in the USA we can begin to pay back the massive debt we have amassed to the rest of the world and America will once again be the most efficient and looked up to country in the world.

The future of the oilfield is pretty bright.

Tripping Pipe

The oilfield is a dangerous place.  As I mentioned in an earlier post everything out here is heavy.  If something falls on you, chances are it will weigh hundreds or thousands of pounds, and a hard hat isn’t going to cut it.  A story today on MSNBC.COM http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26645108/ talks about it.  They mention that there are a lot of inexperienced people working on these rigs and they are right, but the rampant drug use mentioned simply doesn’t happen.  There is no difference between this boom and any other boom in the oilfield – these are good jobs and in a boom hiring goes way up to satisfy the demand for workers.

Thirty years ago I was in a video arcade playing a game of Asteroids and a guy I didn’t know walked up to me and asked me if I wanted a job.  “Umm, sure”, was my response, “What kind of job”?  ”Roughneck” was his reply.  I didn’t really want a job, but they were paying $13.00 an hour which was pretty good money at the time.  I hired on, showed up for work and poof, I was a roughneck.  Today roughnecks make $20.00 – $30.00 an hour.  Back in those days the oilfield was a lot more dangerous than it is today;  The loss of a finger was a mark of distinction.  Today, the oil companies who fund the drilling are much more concerned with safety, and you don’t see as many people with missing body parts working on rigs.

Back in the old days a car full of roughnecks going to work might pass a bottle of Crown Royal around on the drive into work.  These days that will get you run off as quick as anything.  In the old days, I had a driller who could roll a joint with one hand while tripping pipe (pulling the drill string out of the hole, or putting it back in) and we would take a five minute break to smoke it.  We looked forward to that break because it was the only one we would get in the next eight hours.  I would argue that it helped us concentrate on the job at hand and we never had any accidents, but that is for another post.

These days the drug of choice is crank (methamphetimine) as the shifts are normally twelve hours and coffee just doesn’t do the job for many modern roughnecks.  Back in the day coffee was the drink of choice, with a little Crown mixed in for luck.  The cranksters proliferate the oilfield, and increases the danger for everyone.  I do not mean to suggest that everyone in the oilfield uses meth – they don’t and if you get caught the only statement you’ll likely hear is, “Take your clothes home”, which is oilfield speak for “you’re fired”.  It is a dangerous place, and it requires your full attention to stay alive and unhurt.

The rigs themselves are a source of danger not only because of the weight and power of the accutrements, but because many of the rigs are very old.  It is not unusual to find a rig that was built in the 1940’s.  Huh?  We don’t even have any cars from the 40’s still on the road.  Because these rigs are built so tough and constantly upgraded, they may last indefinitely, therefore it is possible to find yourself on a rig without modern safety measures and aforethought of design.  The older rigs were built to do one thing:  Drill.  Drill fast, drill straight and not stop until the hole is through.  I am not saying these rigs should be scrapped – they cost way too much money and frankly, we need them to keep drilling so that we can keep foriegn oil at bay, if only for a little while.  It is tantamount to a workers life that they be trained well and keep their wits about them to avoid injury, however.  When I roughnecked I coined the phrase “Total Bodily Awareness” which simply meant to be aware where every part of your body was at all times.  This helped me avoid injury.

Even now as I sit in my air conditioned trailer chock full of computer equipment writing this post, I am about forty feet from a six-inch pipe designed to vent the natural gas we might encounter on the rig.  If things go wrong, and I will do everything in my power to see that they don’t, gas might be vented and accumulate around my trailer which could lead to an explosion.  Usually a rig will set up a flare, which is attached to this pipe and sticks up in the air thirty or forty feet and has an automatic igniter designed to burn off the excess gas.  We don’t have one and I’m not sure why, but I’m not really worried about it.  If gas starts coming up the hole, I will be the first to know and my car is pointed towards the rig road for a fast getaway.  This is just part of the job and we all know that every job has inherent dangers associated with it.

Part of the reason I feel so comfortable about it is the Company man.  The Company man is the representative of the actual oil company who owns the lease and hired the drilling rig and is in charge of every aspect of drilling on the location.  They are usually guys who started out as a “worm” roughneck and have worked their way to the top of the food chain.  Our particular Company man is one of these.  Dale is around retirement age and actually was retired from a major oil company, but got tired of puttering around in the garden and came back to work.  He is a jovial sort which is not common to Company men, but all the better.  He wears his experience on his face, and garners trust and respect through his knowledge and actions which says to everyone on location that he can handle it.  Dale has done this for a long time and he will make sure that everything within his power is taken care of, and everything is within Dale’s power.  Out here he is the ultimate authority and if he says “froggie” you jump.

Up on the rig floor is a different story.  There are a couple of worms, but they are looked after by the experienced hands whose job it is to keep them alive (and working).  Worms are just part of the deal, and they usually don’t last that long.  Roughnecking is a hard job and the worms that make it are not afraid to work and take orders.  I’ll describe to you part of a roughnecks job – the trip – which the hands are doing right now as I write this post.

TRIPPING PIPE

We had a mud pump line washout, which means that an eight inch steel pipe attached to a pump and motor each bigger than the biggest SUV sprung a leak and must be welded.  Oil rigs have welding equipment on hand, but this is a job that calls for a real welder with years of experience.  Why?  Because these pumps can spew mud through a tiny crack at over two thousands pounds per square inch which can easily penetrate the skin of some hapless roughneck standing too close when it blows and kill them.  Here comes the trip:

On this aged rig the driller’s station is outside next to the cathead (a spool with chain attached to it for lifting heavy objects) and he has an array of gauges and levers around him.  Newer rigs have all the controls inside a “doghouse” on the rig floor.  The kelly (a swivel which the mud runs through attached to the drill string) must be set back.  A set of giant wrenches called tongs which are suspended from cables over the rig floor are attached to the kelly and the pipe, the driller applys torgue and the connection breaks.  A device called an “air tong” is pulled up to the pipe and spins it free.  Mud comes out of the kelly and gets all over the place.  The roughnecks set the kelly off to the side, and hook up the “elevators” which are just a large steel clamp which goes around the pipe under the joint so that it can be pulled up.  Elevators clamped around the pipe, the driller brings the blocks up (blocks are a giant block and tackle setup) to a little over ninety feet (on this rig which is a “triple” meaning three joints of pipe to a stand”) and the floorhands stand ready to put in the “slips” as he lowers the string back down a little.  Slips are a multisectioned steel wedge with hardened steel grippy things attached to it that are set into the rotary tables (rotary tables spin the entire drill string for drilling) and keep the drill string from falling into the hole.  Some of the newer rigs have hydraulic slips, which means that roughnecks don’t have to lift them, but this rig doesn’t, so the roughnecks have to pick them up and put them around the pipe while the drill string is on the way down.  Slips weigh between a hundred and two hundred pounds.  Slips now set, two sets of tongs are put around the joint to break the connection.  These tongs are about five feet long and weigh several hundred pounds apiece.  They work like vice grips (sort of) and are hooked up to cables attached to the catheads.  The driller applys force to them and the connection breaks, then the airtongs are used to spin the pipe loose.  Derrickmen at this juncture are ninety feet above the rig floor standing on a “board” next to the “fingers” where pipe is slid into and tied off.  He will have a length of rope wrapped around the top of the pipe, and after the roughnecks grapple the bottom of the joint and push it over to a section of the floor covered in thick wood (to prevent slippage) he will release the elevators and pull the pipe towards him and put the top of it in the fingers.  These fingers are several inches in diameter of extremely strong steel.  He then ties it off and the driller lowers the elevators to pull up the next joint of pipe.  It is worth mentioning that the drill string is full of mud, and many times you must pull up a “wet string” which means that for one reason or another you are coming out of the hole with mud coming out of the pipe at every joint.  The mud gets everywhere, and unless you are using a device to contain the mud somewhat, the roughnecks are covered in it from head to toe.  They continually wash the floor with a high pressure water hose to avoid slippage.  You do that a hundred or two times to get the drill string out of the hole.  Talk about your dirty jobs.

This, my friends is why most people won’t work in the oilfield.  Although the pay is much better than average, the conditions are much worse than average.  It takes a special kind of hard working maniac to be a roughneck and there just aren’t that many people out there willing to do it.  If you ever meet a roughneck maybe you’ll have a newfound respect for what they do, because trust me, you probably wouldn’t do it yourself.  Be sure and check to see that he has all his fingers.

Mudloggers do not Chop Down Trees in a Muddy Forest

A mudlogger positions hydrocarbons with respect to depth.  Oil company geologists are very good at identifying areas in which to drill, and many of these are well known within the industry.  If the earth had been formed evenly, there would be no need for my job since the same hydrocarbon bearing formations would be found at the same depth no matter where the drilling was done.  Thankfully the earth heaves as geological events occur and formations can be found at different depths even within a close radius.

Enter the mudlogger.  We “well sit” while drilling is going on and take samples of the rock brought up the hole, or annulus, by the drilling fluid (mud), as well as monitor produced hydrocarbons.  These samples are subjected to tests with chemicals and peered at through a microscope to determine their makeup.  It is important to note that many different rocks might hold oil or gas, but the easily producable zones are usually sandstone, followed by limestone.  These are fairly porous formations.  Shale can be produced, but it is difficult and expensive to do so.

We draw a log which is an analog of the hole using software common to our profession so a geologist may see which formations can be produced.  This information is invaluable when deciding where to frac (fracture) which is what it sounds like…you “bust up” a formation so that the oil or gas can more easily flow.

Continual monitoring of produced natural gas may also help prevent blowouts which can destroy equipment and kill people.  In short, everyone should love us, but there is this stigma that follows:

The Lazy Mudlogger:

Well, this isn’t a hard job, or even very physical at all unless rigging up or down the mudlogging unit.  The heaviest thing we have to carry is about seventy pounds, and you only have to do that once at rig up and once at rig down.  This is probably where the moniker comes from when you consider that roughnecks are some of the hardest working people you’ve ever met.  They endure the weather 24/7 as a drilling rig stops for no man.  Ever seen a 36″ pipe wrench?  They’re friggin huge and not very light.  Roughnecks use them as key chains.  Ok, the keychain part is not true, but everything on an oil rig is made up of thick steel and must be twisted, beaten or cajoled into submission by a roughneck, and usually while their boss (Driller), or their boss’s boss (Toolpusher)or their boss’s boss’s boss (Company man) is breathing down their neck (yelling at them).  So it is understandable that they view the guy in the air conditioned trailer who has to carry about a half pound cup of ground up rocks fifty or sixty feet once or twice an hour as lazy.  We don’t hate them for it.

In fact, as I type this we are drilling ahead at fourteen feet per hour, so I won’t have to make that trek to collect a thirty foot sample for another two hours.

I think I’ll make some coffee.

New Camera

I just got a new camera to use for this blog, an Olympus 560 ultra zoom, and thought I would throw up a picture of the moon as an example of what it is capable of.  My newest camera is a Pentax K7 and matching Pentax glass.  I’ll do a  shot to compare the two sometime.

moon

moon

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