I think I am going to start a new political party for people who get the big picture. Gone are the short sighted left and right pundits, away with the narrow minded views that resemble tunnel vision and in with a party who realize no single person or organization has all the answers. The party is based on complete freedom to live the way you want – until you screw it up.
If my party leads the government it will work like this:
(Bank) We need a government bailout!
(Government) Those strange derivative products you created bit you in the ass?
(Bank) Yes, it was truly tragic how we lost all that money!
(Government) Whose fault was it?
(Bank) [Points fingers in all directions]
(Government) Ok, here’s your bailout. [hands over blank check]
(Bank) Hey thanks, that was easy…wait, this check is blank…?
(Government) Yes.
(Bank) But you didn’t sign it?
(Government) No. Giving you an actual bailout would show that we care. We don’t. The unsigned blank check represents the fact that not only do we not care, it isn’t any of our business to help you. In fact, since you have lost more money than the value of your company and are thus insolvent, we are placing you in the public domain and the first person to write a check to bail you out owns you.
(Bank) You can’t do that, we have a capitalistic society!
(Government) Dude, we’re the government of the people and for the people – you live by our rules now, not the other way around. You want to do business in this country you better go back to the old fashioned way of making money and quit the voodoo. Oh look, here’s T. Boone Pickens [Pickens enters room]
(Pickens) Howdy ya’ll. I hear tell of a big ass bank for sale on the cheap?
(Government) Yep, sure is. Seems like the big ass bank got a little too big for its britches and needs a privately funded bailout.
(Pickens) Here’s your check.
(Bank) Err…[faints]
(Government) I knew that was going to happen [fans the bank's face]
(Pickens) Ok, well see ya around.
(Government) Oh, Mister Pickens, a word please.
(Pickens) Why sure!
(Government) About all those water rights you own in Texas and the Southwest…They’re ours now.
(Pickens) What?! You can’t do that, that’s over a billion dollars in water rights!
(Government) Not any more it isn’t. We decided that water is a basic necessity of life and that a man or company can only own as much as it can actually use.
(Pickens) You can’t do that! I followed the law, and bought those legitimately!
(Government) …And a monopoly on water – without which nothing can live – made us think twice about those laws. We changed them. Of course to get that done we had to outlaw lobbying of any kind, and prevent all payments of cash or goods for any reason to all legislators. Pretty hard to buy a senator now that they have to get all their income in the form of a paycheck for doing their job and nothing else. We pretty much ran off all the Washington insiders and replaced them with ordinary citizens who come here to work as a legislator for a couple of years and then go home. It’s working pretty well – In fact I think the water rights law revision was done by some ranchers whose water rights you claimed to own who ran for Congress…
(Pickens) I remember when you could buy a Senator and he stayed bought…
(Government) We do too, and it sucked.
(Pickens) Damn, well I gotta go…
(Government) Umm, T. Boone? We gotta talk about your taxes before you go.
(Pickens) Oh crap! [faints]
(Government) I knew that was gonna happen.